The Mariatal Rape And Debates – Who Oppose it and Who Support It?

As expected govt didn’t included recommendations in Varma Committe’s report on AFSPA in the rape ordinance. Unexpectedly, they didn’t included the marital rape clause also. I must say govt act is sensible. They took lot of issues into consideration. But, this move doesn’t went well with women organizations .

They are opposing the ordinance and some of them even went to an extent to demand The President not to sign on the ordinance. Of course, president signed on it and Ignored their demand. Many news channels conducted debate on this issue.

Some channels, as usually, with their biased views invited only women organizations, no single person from men organization. But IBN-LIVE conducted a debate with both of them. Here is the debate …

I want to give some answers to the questions of member of women organizations and like to ask some questions too ..

Their (Women Organizations) question is, many women are forcefully married without their consent and forcefully put in the relationship. So, how can you say there is no rape? This is one of the question asked by women activist and repeated by Ms.Sagarika.

My answer to it is simple. If women forced into marriage who’s fault is that? Is it the fault of man who married her or the fault of her own parents? Who need to be blamed? who need to be booked? It’ her own parents not the husband, isn’t it?

Husband assumes, marriage and the first night after that is the consent for him to have sex with her, and it is the fact too. She is an adult, not a kid. She know what’s going on, she know what’s coming. Even knowing this she didn’t opposed it at early stage. Then how can anyone blame that poor man? it is her fault or her parents fault. Stop blaming man for this. Book the girl for ruining his life by marrying him or her parents for ruining two individuals lives.

Imagine a situation, A typical bollywood style scene, a woman entered into the room with milk glass in her first night, what a man think? What he will do? Should he ask her that, do she like this marriage? Even if she likes it, do she like to have sex now or not? Is it the man’s duty to ask her? Don’t she know what marriage is? Don’t she know what first night is? Is she a kid? Why to put every responsibility that exist in this world on men alone?

The whole drama assumes that man has to take care of everything. He has to take care of woman’s consent for marriage, woman’s consent for sex. But women simply sit because some one forced her or so-called patriarchy don’t allow her to talk and later she says, she was raped. Mind blowing.

What is marriage? In a marriage women can have a share in property, can have her rights on his earnings. It’s her right, remind you. But, when it’s come to sex, men must take permission. They don’t have right to have sex. They can only beg her for it, if she feel it’s fine, she may grant it. But after that she can paint it as a rape. that’s the problem. What if women consistently say no to sex because of some issues between them? There is no other option than seeking divorce for men. But if a man deny her that right or any other right, she can use law to punish him. That’s the difference.

And must say, all these discussion happens assuming men are the people who need sex. Men are the people who force the partner to have sex. But, it is not true at all. There are many situations women also became violent and raped men. That’s why the international standard says the rape laws must be gender neutral. But our women organizations don’t want gender neutral laws. Why?

They says, it is an exceptional case that women rape men. Let us assume, these cases are only few or exceptional. Still, why do they think that these few cases need not be punished under the law? Rape is a rape no matter how many happens or how rarely they happen, isn’t it? If women and women organizations think rape is a heinous crime why they don’t want to punish these women rapists? Why they don’t want justice for male victims? Do they really feel rape is heinous crime? Do they think rape in matrimonial home is acceptable if it happen on men?

But the truth is Rapes on men or boys are not exceptional cases or rare cases. They do happen, may be the number of instances are less compared to the rapes on women.  But we must notice that, society don’t recognition rape on men at all.  That’s the problem. In these circumstances how can women organizations claim rape on men don’t exist or very rare? First, recognize it and make a law to punish the offenders.

And one more thing, do govt make laws because a particular crime exist or because particular crime is rampant? If some kind of crime happens less frequently compared to another, does that a valid reason to not having a law to punish those criminals? What nonsense is this?

Advertisements
Published in: on February 13, 2013 at 8:23 pm  Comments (17)  

The URI to TrackBack this entry is: https://ekalavyamra.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/the-mariatal-rape-and-debates-who-oppose-it-and-who-support-it/trackback/

RSS feed for comments on this post.

17 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. “Husband assumes, marriage and the first night after that is the consent for him to have sex with her, and it is the fact too. She is an adult, not a kid. ” “But, when it’s come to sex, men must take permission. ”

    So, you think all women and men must automatically want to have sex on the ‘first night’? What if someone needs more time? Besides, the point is not that the husband needs to ‘take permission’. Let’s say that the woman (or man) says no and physically resists sex, for whatever reason.. and their partners physically forces him/herself on them, would you call this rape? In this case, it’s obvious that one partner is resisting sex strongly, there is no question of asking permission, so is this rape? Maybe this couple is not a happy couple and is actually estranged but not yet divorced when one partner does this. Then is it rape? Say an 18 year old is arranged to be married off to a 40 year old and she resists sex vocally and physically but the partner physically forces himself on her, is this rape or not? I just want to know whether you think it’s possible for rape or sexual abuse to exist in marriage.

  2. Turn all your questions the other way round, If a woman forces herself on a man is it rape or not, if you think its not rape, then the entire concept of rape is fallacious, Men being raped compared to women is 3 men for every woman. In the jails rape of men is absolutely common. The concept of calling it a rape only when a women is at the receiving end is the vicious lies spread by the feminists,

  3. When did I ever say it’s only rape when it’s the woman? How did you assume that? You did not answer any of my questions. I replied to specific points in your post. Please don’t go off-topic to talk of my views on other situations based on your own assumptions, I would be happy to tell you myself what I think of those issues.

    Back to my unanswered questions, I asked about rape on wives not because I think men cannot be raped (off-topic) but because of the specific assertions you made: “Husband assumes, marriage and the first night after that is the consent for him to have sex with her, and it is the fact too. She is an adult, not a kid. ” “But, when it’s come to sex, men must take permission. ”. You said he assumes but it’s not clear to me if you think this assumption holds if she specifically says ‘no’ and physically resists him. An assumption can only hold as long as it’s not specifically clarified and real women are not rag dolls but actual people who usually fight back when being violated. Is it rape then? Or do you think that is not rape as long as they are married? Please refer back to my reply and answer my queries. I would like to understand your point better if you are making a serious point under those assertions.

  4. Ah, just noticed that the reply to my comment was from “Riz Kann” and not the Original Poster. Missed that earlier. This reply should have been addressed to Riz Kann, not the the OP. My misunderstanding.

  5. If one spouse says no and the other one forces herself/himself on the spouse saying no — it is rape.
    Irrespective of weather they agreed to be married or not. No means no .be it the wife or husband or girlfriend or boyfriend or stranger. How hard is this to understand.

  6. @Carvaka,

    Please don’t bring the random statements from the post and interpret them/ give meaning to them differently. I said those statements in different contexts.

    If women forced into marriage who’s fault is that? Is it the fault of man who married her or the fault of her own parents? Who need to be blamed? who need to be booked? It’ her own parents not the husband, isn’t it?

    Husband assumes, marriage and the first night after that is the consent for him to have sex with her, and it is the fact too. She is an adult, not a kid. She know what’s going on, she know what’s coming. Even knowing this she didn’t opposed it at early stage. Then how can anyone blame that poor man? it is her fault or her parents fault. Stop blaming man for this. Book the girl for ruining his life by marrying him or her parents for ruining two individuals lives.

    I clearly mentioned the situation here.

    If sex happen between two strangers, they have to take permission from each of them. If sex happen between married couples, the person who don’t want it need to say it clearly. Otherwise, the other person (Irrespective man or woman) don’t know that or can’t understand that. So, the onus of saying “No” lies on the person who don’t want sex at that moment and also blame should be goes to him/her only, if he/she don’t do that.

    Personally, I don’t call forced sex in marriage as rape, even after saying “No” to the other person clearly. I consider it as Sexual violence in the matrimonial home. It Clearly attracts Domestic violence prevention provisions mentioned in laws. Because, there is no social stigma that generally attached with rape exists in this case. I hope I mentioned my point clearly.

  7. @MR,
    My last pera given above is my response to your views.

  8. rape is not about social stigma.. that’s what people like to attribute it to . It is more mental and physical torture, violation of trust, right and lack of respect as a human being.
    Who care about social stigma. society has nothing better to do than sit and gawk and gossip about people .
    The punishment is for inflicting, mental agony, physical agony and violating the body and beliefs of a woman and her trust, nothing to do with what society thinks.
    Just because it happens in marital home doesn’t make it any easier for the victim.
    i’m not saying a spouse has to check every single time, but there are 1000;s of cases where one spouse cannot stand the other, is stuck with no choice and is forced to have sexual contact day after day. that is marital rape.
    i know of plenty of spouses forcing their husbands and wives to have sex just because they are married to them.

  9. Se without consent from either of the partner- male or female- is rape, irrespective of marriage/relationship. Get you thick head round it. Either of the partner- married/unmarried- doesn’t own the other person’s body. If equality is your right so’s the right of the other person too. It’s a give & take!

  10. @MR,
    I am not saying rape is social stigma but simply presenting the total picture of the rape. Without social stigma rape is nothing but an attack on individual sexually. That is what I am saying and I call it as sexual assault or sexual violence.

  11. @pallavispoojary,
    Marriage is the consent. Understand the concept of marriage first, once your thick head get it, you will definitely accpet forceful sex in marriage is nothing but sexual violence. And it is already punishable under domestic violence act and 498A. And you must remember onother thing, feminist may accept that rape can happen on men too for the sake of argument in virtual world. But in general, they don’t accept men as rape victims and women as perpitrators of rape. They simply says, men can’t be rape victims, more precisely women can’t be rapists. That’s why Anti-rape law don’t have any provision for punish female offenders of rape. That’s our feminists double standards.

  12. marriage is consent? Marriage is consent??!! Haha nobody can help you or your creepy mindset. Pity you!

  13. I welcome your pity on me, if it helps you to feel better. But, why do you think people marry? Can you enlighten us?

  14. Question to the feminists:
    are you married.why?How come?with so much knowledge about cruel men and their rape culture,why some of the feminists are marrying and producing children? Probably the children are products of rape too,because INDIAN MEN do not love.they only rape.
    or
    The feminists might have married foreigners. They better do.They are good guys.

  15. I’m a feminist. I’m married. Because I know my spouse, yes my soul mate, he loves me, respects me, trusts me and understand when I say no. I do the same.
    Not all men are rapists and yes Indian men do love their wives. This law is for those who rape their spouse not normal loving, respectful men and women. Is that so hard to understand.

  16. Madam. I know what you said.I AM HAPPY WITH YOUR RESPONSE.THIS IS WHAT I WANTED YOU (FEMINISTS) TO ACKNOWLEDGE.YOU ACKNOWLEDGED THIS AFTER I PROVOKED YOU.
    Now my submission to you is:
    1) why do you (the feminists) think that your man is the only nice guy in this earth? why cant be other men too.
    2) If you believe , what you acknowledged (that not all men are bad,some are bad and the fight is against those bad elements)..THEN WHY [Edit] YOU (FEMINISTS) ALWAYS make sweeping generalization and ALWAYS use the word ‘INDIAN MEN’ is using the choicest abuses. Indian men are rapist,Indian men are bride burners,Indian men oppress women,Indian Men are sex maniacs…blah blah

    3) I am happy you said (Not all men are rapists and yes Indian men do love their wives. ). so henceforth, my request to all feminists, use propoer words like “some Indian Men’ or ‘wrong doers’, etc…..please do not use the word “Indian Men”
    4) It was indeed difficult for me to bring out this acknowledgement (Not all men are rapists and yes Indian men do love their wives) from at least one feminist.

  17. @raj ashok,

    Who said Indian men, I said ANY SPOUSE. any human being who forces unwanted sex on another is a rapist. period, I dont give a damn if they are indian or african.
    This topic pertains to india henc ewe are not discussing caucasian men. this is about marital rape law in INDIA henc ethe discussion only is relevant to indian spouses, indian men and indian women, this law will affect only the inidans 🙂

    As for you trying to bring out stuff – don’t be absurd, no one especially educated feminists will ever say – all indian men are rapists. that very statement makes their argument null and void and we certainly don’t want to sabotage our own causes.

    Feminists in india will only worry about indian men and indian women, because we live in india , why do i care if an american rapes his/ her spouse, that country has laws in plenty to deal with that. whereas we in india do not have a marital rape law. for men or for women. that is what is being debated. 🙂

    If one rapes his spouse that person needs to be punished — simple. this has nothing to do if 99% of the indian men love their wives or if 99% of indian women are terrible. All they are asking for is a punishment fitting the crime without exception to marital status.

    BTW – no one is trying to crucify all men, men and women are both required for this species to exist. treating them both equally is the right thing to do. no one is superior than the other, each have their strengths, this unfortunately the patriarchy in india has not understood till now. Sure not every family does it, maybe only a small % treat their girl child/wives/women badly but even 1 is too much. so all they ask for, or atleats i ask for is living a life equal to other human beings – be it a man or woman.


All comments will be moderated. No personal attacks and abusive words allowed in comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: